Lauds and Gripes and Big Butch Prison Daddy Dykes – Episode 5.3 -- Part 1

So, before the L Word started Sunday night, the girlfriend and I caught the last coupla minutes of this L Word thing right before it. Apparently, L Word held a fan fiction contest and some chick named Molly won it by writing a scene. I was, like, "Whaa ... Chaiken can't even be bothered to write her own show anymore? Fan fiction! Puh!"

Then it started.


I actually feltl my adrenaline ramping up and then I figured out who that little honey in the middle is ... OMG! OMG! Kate Moennig as Kate Jackson! Shane as Sabrina! OMG! Kate Moennig is a TOTAL femme. I had NO idea. Sabrina was NEVER that femme ...

... evah.

Ok, full disclosure -- Sabrina was my favorite angel. In retrospect, I'm not entirely sure if I identified with her or was responding to certain (unintentionally?) coded images:


Let's face it, the only thing missing from that outfit is the crop.

Molly, whoever you are – I love you and your damned fan fiction! Ilene Chaiken – watch and learn!

The whole opening sequence was a little much to take in and then the girlfriend in a panicked, strangled voice says, “Who ... is ... that? Who is that in the glasses?”


My brain tumbled over a few times. “Wait a minute, wait a minute ... I know who that is ... Ahghh!!! It’s Tina! It’s Tina! It’s Tina totally channeling Randy Dean – Yayyyy, Randy Dean!


And maybe a little Roy Orbison, too.


I thought the business with the guns was kinda stupid but who cares?!?! Kate Moennig IS Kate Jackson. Maybe next week will bring a Scarecrow and Mrs. King parody.


If Max rips off his soul patch, he can play the dude. (And what the hell happened to Bruce Boxleitner anyway? He was cute!)

Part 2 to come -- there was WAY too much going on in this episode to handle in a single, lowly post.

Time Traveling Lesbian -- Episode 3

Here's hoping your Tuesday is going faster than mine. Let episode 3 of Rebecca Drysdale's Time Traveling Lesbian get you through the next coupla minutes:




If you're wondering if that's Nicol Paone from The Big Gay Sketch Show ... you're right! Even though she's straight :-( -- she's great! Check her out:



Stay tuned for episode 4!

Breaking! Max's "Podcast" Revealed!

Breaking! Breaking! Breaking!

So, Max seemed pretty panicky about this mysterious "podcast" that no one was willing to give him the time of day on. Well, I've been fortunate enough to have an exclusive look at said "podcast" and EVEN though I'm not supposed to and will get into big, big trouble (big butch prison daddy dyke size trouble!) I'm going to give you a sneak preview. Now, keep in mind I was only able to get my hands on 6 minutes of it and my sources tell me it's much, MUCH longer. (Max's camera was on the fritz and things don't get REALLY juicy until the :43 second mark -- so, feel free to skip ahead). Enjoy:

Be sure send Max feedback (he really needs it) at Max@OurChart.org.

Time Traveling Lesbian -- Episode 2

The accurate term is probably webisode but like webinar I'm refusing to use it. All the same, enjoy episode 2 of Time Traveling Lesbian from Rebecca Drysdale and Happy Monday.




Missed episode 1? Either scroll down two posts or click here.

Not blogging the Planet Podcast :-(

Yeah, my notes on this weeks Planet Podcast have "mysteriously" disappeared -- which means I'm looking for someone to blame and, yes, the girlfriend is at the top of that list (the dog is a close second).

If they ever turn up, I'll amend this post as if nothing ever went awry. In the meantime, listen to the actual Planet Podcast with KC and Elka recapping episode 5.2.

Time Traveling Lesbian -- Web Series

I stumbled across this a while back on After Ellen. Check it out, it's pretty funny. (And short.) This is actually the first episode (even though it opens with, "Previously on Time Traveling Lesbian ...")




I'll be posting one episode of Time Traveling Lesbian a day. There are eight in all so come back often to check them out.

Rebecca Drysdale, the star and writer of Time Traveling Lesbian, once lost 40 lbs. (!) by eating only sugar-free Jello (!) and turkey legs. Here's a picture of her -- kinda cute, huh?

Video of Jodie "Coming Out"

Most of you have probably heard about Jodie Foster thanking her partner, Cydney, as she received the Sherry Lansing Leadership Award at the 16th annual Women in Entertainment Breakfast on December 4, 2007. I had no idea there was video of this event -- well, here it is:

Tasha in the MSM

Rose Rollins in The Daily News.

You can just hear Chaiken's hard drive whirring to life when she thought about casting a new black character -- Hmm, she could be a basketball player ... [she actually considered this].

Well, that didn't happen -- Tasha was destined for the battlefield instead of center court. Chaiken must have put a finger to her lips and said, Hmm, we could really make this current ... Iraq war ... don't ask, don't tell ... hmm.
Key graf:

"When we created the character of Tasha, one of my writers said to me, we should do a lesbian who serves in the military, somebody who serves in Iraq," says series creator and writer Ilene Chaiken.

There are those in life who refer to the people who work under them in the possessive -- my staff, my writers, etc., etc. -- I don't know about you, but I'm guessing that these are insecure people who never expected to succeed and, now that they have, won't let anyone, ANYONE DAMMIT, ever forget it.

Just remember this is from a woman who initially envisioned a show about lesbians called Earthlings where Pam Grier would wear a sailor's cap.
2nd key graf:

Since launching on Showtime in 2004, "The L Word," has earned favorable critical notice for strong dramatic writing and sizzling sex scenes.

Ok, I follow the MSM fairly closely -- where exactly are these "favorable critical notice[s]"? I've trolled Lexis and as far as I can tell no respectable news organization has reviewed the new season. If anything, the silence is deafening.

Lauds and Gripes (and black, black bras) -- Season 5 Episode 2

Wow -- this episode blew 5.1 out of the water. Being privy to Ilene Chaiken's personal fantasies has its perks. Imagine having your own show and a stable of hot actresses: you get to sit around at night thinking, Hmm, wouldn't it be hot if Bette and Shane made out? Yeah, that would be hot ...
If your not Ilene Chaiken, this is pretty much your option:



Or if you're in the pre-school set:



Or if you're Sounder:



My five favorite things:

1. Bette and Shane together at last

2. Shane and Tina together at last

3. Bette and Helena together at last
4. Helena in prison -- keep her there!
5. Pam Grier strutting it like it like the old days:


My five least favorite things:

1. Cardboard characters -- Tasha's superior in the military is such an unrealistic tool -- one second he's friendly and the next he's acting like, Ooo, get away from me, you nasty dyke with your icky, yucky, dykey cooties -- AWAY!


2. Wasting Wallace Shawn -- I mean, c'mon! It's Wallace Shawn! He's not just window dressing -- were all his scenes cut or what?


3. Wasting Marlee Matlin. She was reduced to dinner companion this week. (Too, too many characters to manage, huh, Ilene?)


4. Chaiken Message of the Week: I wasn't paying much attention but I'm pretty sure there was some gays-in-the-military propaganda with those really boring Alice and Tasha scenes:


5. Aww, forget 5 -- I really liked this week.

Liveblogging The Planet Podcast

All right, so it's not live -- it's barely even warm. The L Word was on Sunday. KC and Elka, the Planet girls, posted their podcast recap on Wednesday and I listened to it on Friday. For anyone who's never listened to this, check it out. Here are a few highlights culled for your interest (Oh, btw, KC and Elka sound almost exactly alike -- by the end of the season I'll almost have them straight, so, until then, quotes will be unattributed or, maybe, hmm ... Kelka?!?!)

Of foremost importance:

The Boobie Count: 4/8 -- Alice, Tasha, Shane, real estate lady

On Helena's humiliations:

"Hottest cavity search I ever saw."



On Helena's jailhouse social ineptitude:

"If you go to jail, when you meet your cellie [unusual familiarity will the lingo, don't you think?] for the first time, fake an American accent if you have to.

Even better? Don't say anything."

On Shane breaking free from Page:

"This is our Shane -- Open the door, there's a boob on her head and she's, like, 'Hi.' "


"Some may call it a problem ... if there's a boob on your head, I don't see a problem."

On Joyce Wishnea's guttural emanations:

"She must smoke one thousand cigarettes a day."



Quote of the week:

Tina: Since, when does Jenny have an assistant?

"That expression on Tina's face --

She was, like -- Huh!?! As soon as I saw that expression, I was like, Oh my God, I love Tina! What the fuck?! I started to question everything -- my sexuality, my own being. It's, like, what's going on? She's hilarious!"


Summing up:

"Really good. There were boobies. All kind of boobies. And no penises or bacne men."

Michelle sprung!

So, I'm not sure how I feel about Michelle Rodriguez. Yes, she's hot and, yes, she a total asswipe collecting DUIs and LYING! about community service. Anyway, after entering jail on Christmas Eve, she's now out because of "overcrowding" -- whatever. Here's a chronology of her mug shots.

Say it isn't so!

Ok, this is pretty much too much for me to handle, but there are rumors on the interwebs that our beloved Shane is ... gulp ... *dating* Paris Hilton. I almost rather she date Perez Hilton -- nevermind, I didn't say that.

Honestly, I don't believe this for a second. Kate has WAY better taste and, besides, she's Gwyneth Paltrow's cousin which means she has at least some blue blood flowing through her veins and no patrician would ever lay a hand on America's favorite skank.
Oh yeah, that's Ilene Chaiken, creator of the L Word, on the right thinking about the next public service announcement she'll so subtly place in an L Word episode.

Wearin' it on your sleeve ...

Too shy to announce your sexuality to the room when you walk into a bar? Well, there's hope for you as long as you have french cuffs:

These clever cuff links designed by Robert Tateossian will state your intentions for you with a twist.

Lauds and Gripes -- Season 5 Episode 1

Okay, I know I'm posting this late and that is no way to develop any regular traffic but I WILL be better.

If you need a full recap, go here.

5 reasons I loved the season premiere of the L Word

1. The obvious -- it had just been too, too long.

2. The incredible sexual tension between Bette and Tina -- when are these two girls going to get it on? Even they know it's inevitable. Here's Bette scoping out Tina who has just removed her bikini top



-- who knew Tina's back could cause such a stir (I must admit, though, she does look good).

Sorry, for copyright symbol -- I'm really bad with the images :-(

3. Mia Kirshner. I love Mia Kirshner even if she is Jenny. Here's my argument for her:

She's gorgeous.
She's Canadian.
She went to McGill in Montreal.
She studied Russian literature.
She's gorgeous.



'nuff said.

4. Subplots that put our favorite characters in jail especially when they are Bette and Helena.



5. It had been way too long. Yeah, I know I already said that but I have some criticisms on this episode.

5 reasons I hated the season premiere of the L Word

1. Inconsistancy of tone. Sometimes I get the feeling that Ilene Chaiken thinks this is her only shot to express every creative idea she's ever had.

2. Every now and again Chaiken feels the need to introduce an element of camp. So, we get Cybill Shepherd's character camping it up while everyone else in the cast is supposed to pretend that she's a real person or, on occasion, they cross over into the camp world with her -- Alice does this best. Jane Lynch's character has long performed a similar role and she is brilliant at it but these scenes are completely out of context and make the audience feel like they are shifting gears as Chaiken jumps around amongst the various genres of television.

3. Too many characters. I'd be hard pressed to say who I would cut -- Max, Cybill, Tasha -- ok, maybe I wouldn't. Take a series like Lost which has a huge cast. It has 24 episodes to develop its characters. The L Word has WAY too much going on for only 12 episodes.

4. Propaganda. This really bothers. As a friend of mine said, she'll be watching and then, BOOM, it's like a public service announcement hijacked the show. For some reason, Chaiken has a thing about preaching to the choir (unless she thinks loads of straight guys are watching that she's going to educate) -- this week we got lectured to about transgenderism. All I have to say is if you have effective writing you never need to go all didactic -- it isn't pretty and it sure ain't art (or even good teevee).

Here's Max thinking about computer searches and delivering the Chaiken Message of the Week:


5. I have a few more gripes but I'll leave it off for now 'cause I'm really, really glad it's back.

What's in a name?

The Daily Telegraph has a piece today that includes the history of the lesbian entry in that most grand of dictionaries the Oxford English Dictionary. Here are a few choice grafs:

• "During preparations for its 1933 Supplement, one lexicographer averred: "Lesbianism is no doubt a very disagreeable thing, but the word is in regular use, & no serious Supplement to our work should omit it."
• Omitted it was, though. Readers were left with Sapphism - which the Lancet in 1901 likened to morphiomania (opium craving). Lesbian surfaced only with 1976's Supplement, as an 1890 synonym for Tribadism.

BTW: The photo above is of James Murray the famed first editor of the OED. He is also the "Professor" in The Professor and the Madman: A Tale of Murder, Insanity, and the Making of The Oxford English Dictionary.

I've pretty much avoided most of the L Word spoilers but it can't hurt to see a few of the new faces can it?

Here's Clementine Ford:
It doesn't look like she'll be sticking around for the whole season and she's Cybil Shepherd's daughter but neither of those things will make me like her any less, I'm sure.

Here's Malaya Rivera Drew:



who apparently grew up (here) in D.C. Both parents are lawyers so it's no wonder she's run as far from the professions as she could.

And finally, Kate French:

She was on South as Nowhere as someone named Sasha who doesn't really ring a bell but I think she must have been the girl who helps Aiden through his PTSD from the prom shooting.

Here we go, I guess ...

Yes, the new season of the L word starts tomorrow and I thought I'd use the occasion to start a blog devoted to all things L. This will encompass as much commentary on the L Word as I can stand -- which, honestly, won't be much. Primarily, I will cover lesbians in the news -- MSM, gossip, you name it -- and anything else that strikes my fancy. More to come ...